Sonder. This word (and paraphrases of it) has been on my mind for a while now. It means:

Sonder (Noun) The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passed in the street, has a life as complex as one’s own, which they are constantly living despite one’s personal lack of awareness of it. Wiktionary

Today, I was in a group with acquaintances and strangers, and they were conversing on something that really hurt me deeply. They didn’t know me or details of my recent past, but the conversation opened up wounds that I’m not sure were even closed. Then the realization hit me again. This humbling realization. We have never met before today, and probably will never do so again, but I could have easily been the one in his shoes, with no idea the turmoil going on in the mind and heart of the stranger next to me. You get to realize that maybe you’re not so special after all.

Think about it for a minute. Just think deeply…your greatest joy…those things that make you smile…your deepest need…your heart’s desire…your worst fears…the pain you can never really express…the way you plan for your future…or don’t plan for it…Those battles you fight secretly, nobody knows about…your friends, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband…the quarrels..the beef you’re keeping…that carryover exam…you lost someone you’d have traded your life for…even your porn and masturbation addiction. Everything! Sonder is the very deep realization that everybody is living a life as vivid and real as yours!

I find this really humbling. It is very easy to be self-centered, even in our closest relationships, not to mention of that with strangers. Oh it all revolves around me. Serve me. Well, I’ll be polite and listen to you tell me about how you’re happy, but I’m secretly thinking about how I deserve that more than you do..or how that thing giving you joy is nothing compared to my joy giver. I may care to listen to you long enough to tell me of your pain while all the time waiting to take over and tell you about my own pain in a way that brings satisfaction to me, regardless of how you feel about it..I can even thinly disguise it as ‘comforting you with the comfort I received’. And this is for close relationships. Imagine how it is with the person you sit next to in a keke.

Perhaps, this deep realization will help in applying this ‘simple rule-of-thumb guide to behaviour: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them’ (Matt 7:12).

I think the closest two people in the world are those of whom the issues of life serves as an alarm, awaking his/her consciousness, that the other person is going through same or similar and seeks to feel the pulse of the other regarding that issue or any other that may arise. Then, two hearts may really beat as one.